


more than you bargained for

by ladanse



Series: number one with a bullet [1]
Category: DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, artemis & dick need to stop spying on innocent daily planet reporters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 01:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladanse/pseuds/ladanse
Summary: Artemis thinks Batman should have better taste than mild-mannered reporters in plaid. Robin summarily agrees.(set in the early episodes of Young Justice, if Artemis had recognized Robin when he took her picture)





	more than you bargained for

**Author's Note:**

> why am I like this

"Someday, we'll laugh about this," was all Artemis heard before a tiny black-haired lump in an expensive blazer pushed his way in front of her and held his phone up for a selfie.

"Hey," she said, and the camera flashed, before the boy was darting, fleet-footed, across the lawn.

"Freshmen," said her student guide, in vaguely disgusted sympathy. Artemis nodded, still watching the boy run. There was something about that gait - but there was no way.

Was there?

The boy solved her problem for her by leaping easily over a bench, landing on his left toe on pointe despite his loafers. She'd tripped him after a leap that way before; she did, in fact, know that little asshole.

Robin, she thought to herself. I'm going to high school with Robin.

 

*

Later that night, she attempted not to panic.

Okay, so Batman now knew she went to school in Gotham and not Metropolis. Ergo, he would also find out where she lived, and so who her parents were, et cetera. Ergo, she and her place on the team were fucked.

Lovely.

When training came and went that evening without a hint that anything had changed, or that she was going to be painfully incinerated for lying to Batman, Artemis forced herself to relax. So he hasn't said anything, she thought. That doesn't mean you're out of the red yet.

 

*

"Why haven't you told him?" she said, cornering small-sunglasses-less Robin at school the next day. "What game are you playing?"

The boy blinked his very blue eyes, looking at her guilelessly. "I'm sorry," he said, his accent posh Gothamite instead of the voice she knew. "Have we met?"

"I know who you are," said Artemis, rolling her eyes. "Cut the act. And tell me why I'm still on the team."

"What team, exactly," said the boy. Then, raising an eyebrow - "You know, I really don't think you know who I am."

She folded her arms over her chest and very narrowly resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. "You're someone whose nose I'm going to break if you don't come clean in the next ten seconds," she said, evenly. "No random Gotham kid can land a jump on pointe."

The boy's jaw set. "I don't know what you're talking about, but if you touch me I'll get you suspended," he said, clenching his fists and backing up into the wall.

"This isn't funny," hissed Artemis. "Just - " she raised a hand to grab his jacket, and he flinched.

Training with Batman must have left him a really good actor. "Get back," he said, voice going high-pitched.

Then suddenly - "Artemis!" said an overly cheerful voice to her left.

It was her guide from yesterday - Betty? Artemis let out a sigh and attempted to make her posture less threatening. "Hi," she said.

Betty took her arm and began pulling her toward the other end of the schoolyard. "Brekker has a new assignment for us," she said, clearly lying. As soon as they were out of Robin's earshot - "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was just talking to him."

"Do you know who that is?"

"Of course I - "

"He's Dick Grayson," said Betty.

"Okay?"

"Not okay," said Betty. "Dick Grayson. Mathlete extraordinaire, golden boy of Gotham Academy, and also his dad is Bruce Wayne. You know, the guy who owns the school? He really can get you suspended. Also expelled - " She stopped talking abruptly. "Are you okay?"

Artemis suspected she had paled considerably. "I'm sorry," she said, slowly. "Did you say Bruce Wayne?"

"Ye-es," said Betty. "Don't worry, though, he probably won't - "

"Bruce Wayne," Artemis interrupted, "is that kid's dad? As in, they...live together. Play basketball in the courtyard of their - "

"Mansion, yeah." Betty smirked. "Dick Grayson, the richest asshole to ever attend - "

"Bruce Wayne," said Artemis, like a revelation. "The famous playboy. The wine-drunk rich guy who forgets people's name on live television."

"Um," said Betty. "Yeah, but - "

"The guy who is caught with a different supermodel each week. Who blows off international meetings to buy yachts and - "

"Artemis." Betty's voice is alarmed. "You're hyperventilating. Let me get you to the nurse - "

Artemis sat (fell) down onto the nearest patch of non-concrete ground, and put her head between her knees.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to control her breathing.

(She wasn't. Artemis knew two things: that Batman was Bruce Wayne, and that he was going to kill her.)

 

*

Later, she attempted to rationalize. Maybe Bruce Wayne just funded the Batman; maybe Robin snuck out of that mansion each night to go on patrol. Maybe Batman lived at Wayne Manor and Wayne didn't even notice. Maybe she had imagined all of it and that kid wasn't even Robin -

But her gut said differently, and her gut never lied.

 

*

The next day found her at the shithole that was the Gotham Public Library, typing "Bruce Wayne business trip" into the search bar.

She spent the next three hours cross-referencing every Wayne Enterprises vacation, pleasure cruise, and ditched board meeting with natural disasters and world-ending events over the past six years; then, because all of these perfect matches she'd found clearly must be (had to be, please let them be) lying, she gave herself a reality check by searching "Bruce Wayne scandal" instead.

Another hour later, she rubbed at her temples. How could Batman be the person who once caused an international incident by spilling a martini on the Serbian president? The guy caught having a threesome with two Russian supermodels? The guy who -

\- has never been a serious relationship, Artemis's mind pointed out. Who throws money at charities and tips well. Who gives scholarships and owns a school -

Oh, Artemis realized, recalling the neat scholarship letter that had brought her to Gotham Academy in the first place.

(Of course he knew, she thought, later that night, gritting her teeth. He's Batman.)

 

*

Certainty, unfortunately, wasn't satisfaction. She stayed at the library until it closed, reading about "Brucie" Wayne and his high society life in a haze of sick fascination.

"Come on," she said to herself, eventually, staring at an article luridly entitled BRUCIE'S LATEST SQUEEZE?!? "Batman definitely has better taste than some retired high school quarterback reporter whose name alliterates. Clark Kent, really?"

"Really. Are you still freaking out about this?" said a loud voice behind her, and she jumped a foot into the air, pulling a knife.

"Whoa!" said Robin, jumping backwards and landing easily on a shelf, birdlike. He was wearing his sunglasses but not his uniform, for which she was grateful. "It's just me."

"Sneak up on me again and I'll skewer you," she said, attempting to regain feeling in her fingers. "What do you want?"

"You figured out Batman's secret identity," said Robin. "I thought it would be obvious."

"So now that you're finally dropping the act - "

Robin made a sharp, derisive noise in the back of his throat. "Can we please talk about how my dad is dating a guy who thinks plaid is a fashion statement?" he said, rolling his eyes. Artemis blinked at the words "my dad" coming out of his mouth, and shook her head to clear it.

"Uh," she tried. "Honestly, I would have thought Batman would have better taste."

"I know, right? It's like he's trying to - "

"Kids," interrupted the librarian, and they both spun around. "Sorry to interrupt your research, but we're closing."

Robin looked at her, considering. "Have you ever been to Joey's?"

"The burger place on 9th?"

"Yeah," he said. "Come on. I gotta spend that Wayne money somewhere."

 

*

"Bruce Wayne has very little interest in anything," said Robin fifteen minutes later, his mouth unattractively full of hamburger meat, "but I thought he would draw the line at plaid."

Artemis snorted. "Do you think Kent's in on - everything?"

"No way," he said, his hand automatically going to his watch. They were seated in a corner booth, and the diner was deserted, so he opened up the holo and showed her a file. "He's just some do-gooder in the Daily Planet. Writes about shit like the poverty rate and police brutality."

"Are you sure?" said Artemis, frowning. "He doesn't seem like the type to get caught making out with, uh, Bruce Wayne on purpose."

"Batman just probably let it happen and made it look like an accident," said Robin. His shoulders went up and down in a tight, unhappy shrug, which meant he didn't like it either. "Y'know," he added, and then stopped.

"What?"

"I think he's a cover. He doesn't ask questions, so I think he's staying that way."

"Brucie Wayne settling down?"

"Worse," said Robin, darkly. "I think Batman is."

Artemis attempted to close her mouth, which had fallen open in shock. "Um - "

"No!" said Robin, in horrified realization. "No, no, no - "

"I thought - "

"I just meant - "

"Because there is no way - "

"I meant as a permanent cover. Not - "

"Does Batman even have enough feelings for an actual boyfriend?" blurted Artemis, and Robin let out a mean snicker.

"Nah," he said. "I don't know if he has enough feeling for a s- "

He stopped, but the pause was awkward. Artemis looked away. "I wouldn't say that," she tried, and Robin just snorted.

"Sure," he said. "Whatever."

 

*

"Follow Clark Kent" swiftly became their favorite game. Robin would request leave, name some rando in Metropolis as a mark, and then they would stalk Kent instead, watching him laugh awkwardly at his colleagues' jokes and make Spaghetti-O's in his tiny kitchen. It was probably cruel, but too much fun to pass up.

"He's the perfect cover," said Artemis. "He doesn't even own any books."

"How boring can one person get?"

Then one day, as was inevitable, shit hit the fan, in the form of Clark Kent climbing casually to the Daily Planet's roof and stripping to reveal a broad chest marked by a blue suit and golden S.

"You know," said Robin, from the office building over, looking resignedly at his now-broken binoculars, "that answers a lot of my questions."

 

*

"Are you trying to tell me that Batman is fake-dating Superman so that they can talk League business after hours?" said Robin, later, his smoothie glass pressed against his forehead.

"Yeah," said Artemis. "Isn't that what - "

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving a hand lazily. "Just checking. This is the weirdest thing Batman has done, man, and I've been Robin for four years now. Hey, speaking of which, come to the Wayne ball with me."

"What?"

"Kent - I mean Superman - is gonna be there. Also, those things are boring as shit. I need someone else who knows." His voice was casual, but Artemis wasn't an idiot; it was rare that Robin asked for anything.

"Sure," she said. "But you're buying me a dress."

 

*

"Mr. Price!" said the perfectly-mannered Dick Grayson next to her. "Allow me to introduce Artemis, my date for the evening."

Artemis attempted to compose her face into something besides a scowl. Robin was having way too much fun with the fake-date idea; she was going to kick his ass for this as soon as she wasn't in a gown that cost more than her apartment building.

Just one more hour, she thought to herself, as she made nice with another rich white businessman. Then I can go home.

Her saving grace was the timely (late) arrival of Clark Kent, shoulders hunched as he ducked camera flashes. "Excuse me, good evening," he said, unfailingly polite. He promptly tripped on a mic cord; his huge bulk went stumbling left.

"He's a better actor than you, Rob," said Artemis, and got a punch in the arm for her troubles.

"At this party, it's Dick," he hissed.

"You are a dick," Artemis agreed, and peacefully dodged the second blow.

"Clark, baby," said the effusive Brucie Wayne, shouldering past them to pull Kent to his feet. "How was the drive?"

"Not too bad," said Kent, blushing lightly. Damn, he was good.

"Next time, I'm sending a car," replied Wayne, his voice going softer. He proceeded to lean forward and brush his lips lightly across Kent's; the flashes buzzed and popped like fireflies.

"This is weird as fuck," whispered Artemis, unable to look away.

"You're telling me," Robin whispered back.

"Mr. Wayne! Would you like to make a statement on the nature of your relationship with Clark Kent?" said a loud voice amid the chaos, and Brucie Wayne straightened up with a brilliant grin.

"Yes," he said. "Clark Kent is the love of my life and the angel of my heart. Put it in the Gazette!"

"Bruce," said Kent, his voice full of feeling, and he pulled Wayne into a proper kiss. The cameras went wild; the partygoers clapped politely; Robin and Artemis audibly gagged.

"Holy shit," said Artemis. "They are committed."

"Mr. Wayne, you are notoriously fond of Gotham. How does dating a Metropolite affect your relationship?"

Wayne just laughed, and Kent shuffled bashfully. "Honestly, we do have our differences," said Kent, easily diplomatic. "But our arguing keeps me on my toes. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Robin frowned, and Artemis identified a growing unease in her gut.

"Besides," added Wayne. "Fighting is like foreplay. He's toppy when he's wrong, if you know what I mean," he said, offering the cameras a lewd wink.

"We're not saying sex can solve relationship problems - " began Kent, looking like he was trying not to laugh.

"Yes, we are - "

" - but," Kent continued, raising his voice, "I'm wouldn't say it doesn't help. Besides, as I think we all know, Bruce knows his way around a bed."

The crowd let out another little titter of laughter; Wayne purred lightly and pulled Kent into another deep kiss.

Robin looked away, uncomfortable. Artemis met his eyes, watching him shrug. "Best lies are founded in truth," he said, but they both heard the waver in his voice.

 

*

Artemis had been acting weird all week.

This wasn't saying much, Wally thought to himself, considering that Artemis was always weird. But this was weirder than usual. She had been unusually jumpy, and her and Rob had kept sneaking out on private "surveillance" missions, which, seriously? How stupid did they think he was?

Not that he cared, of course; it was just Artemis. But he was curious. He hadn't been able to corner either of them, and he was the fastest guy on the team, which meant they were clearly avoiding -

"Kid Flash," said Batman's gravelly voice. "Do I have your attention?"

"Yes, sir," said Wally, quickly, and looked away from his glare; Superman's disappointed frown wasn't much better, so he preoccupied himself with counting the floor tiles instead.

"As I was saying," said Batman, reaching up to gesture to the screen. Superman wasn't watching, but his arms were folded across his chest in a very justice-ly way. "Team Alpha will be relegated to the drop zone here and here - "

Superman coughed, lightly.

" - and Team Omega, the six of you, will be stationed at the far north entrance - "

Superman made the coughing noise again. Batman ignored him, blithely.

" - where you will await orders and create a blockade - "

Superman's cough was louder this time. Batman finally stopped talking, and turned to him. "Superman, we already agreed on this plan," he snapped.

"No," said Superman, equably. "You decided alone, without consulting me or the League."

"The League had no objections - "

"But I did."

"I am already aware of the ramifications of - "

"You haven't considered - "

Wally barely restrained a sigh, rolling his eyes. _Mom and Dad are at it again_ , he offered through their mental link, biting his lip to contain a grin. M'Gann and Superboy both frowned; Kaldur sent a sharp chastisement. Robin and Artemis just projected a sort of strained silence.

Wally and Kaldur looked over at them. _Are you okay_ , he tried, and Robin shook his head minutely. _Don't worry about it_ , he responded.

" - arrogant, narrow-minded, smug - "

" - obstinate and conceited, unwilling to see the larger picture - "

_Three insults, we're getting snappy_ , said Wally, gleeful. _Barry's gonna win the pool -_

"Batman," said Superman, in what Wally called his Justice Voice. This voice often had the effect of shutting Batman up and ridding the team of any slouchiness or thoughts of not rescuing kittens from trees.

"This problem," said Superman, still using the Justice Voice, "will not be solved by arguing."

"What do you suggest?"

"Let's go back to the Watchtower. We can continue this discussion in private and come to a solution without these children watching."

"A reasonable suggestion," said Batman, suddenly business-like. "Watchtower," he said, swishing over to the zeta-beam transporter. Superman followed him into the glow of yellow, and the training room was abruptly silent.

"What pool?" said M'Gann. "You said - "

"Oh," said Wally, grinning. "The League has bets going. How many insults before they have to scream at each other somewhere else. Barry bet on three - " he stopped, abruptly, looking at Robin's face, which had completely drained of color.

"Rob," he said, lifting a hand, but then Artemis made a weird sort of squeaking noise.

"You mean they - go off like - like that...all the time?"

Wally had never heard her stutter before. "Have you guys been drinking Superboy's Kryptonian fizzy drinks, or something?"

"You don't seem all right," said Kaldur, stepping towards Robin. Robin flinched back.

"You know," he said, his voice oddly manic. "I just remembered. Artemis and I have to - "

"Surveillance mission," Artemis agreed.

"Immediately - "

" - sorry, be back soon - "

" - bye!"

And they disappeared faster than Wally could follow, which was pretty damn fast.

"That was strange," said Superboy.

"You're telling me," said Wally, and went to go find some fruit snacks.

 

*

Clark rolled off of him and stretched, and Bruce watched, unashamed and lazy.

"You didn't have to be so mean," Clark said. "They're both kids."

"They're smartasses. They deserved it."

"I think we traumatized them for life - "

"The best part," said Bruce, talking over him, "is that no one would believe them."

"I wouldn't have," said Clark, softly, and Bruce grinned, quicksilver.

He rolled over, pinning Clark to the bedspread. "Do you believe it now?" he asked, and kissed away Clark's grin.

**Author's Note:**

> (the Justice Voice is his sex voice subscribe for more amazingly creative content)
> 
> kudos and comments clear my skin save my crops
> 
> here's my [tumblr](http://www.bollywood-and-phoenix-feather.tumblr.com)~I occasionally take prompts
> 
> EDIT: there's a sequel now where wally needs lots of help go check it out


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